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Mind & Body

Jesus Action Figure

Jesus Action Figure

Article by Jo Elen

To be perfectly blunt, I was pretty nervous about purchasing the Jesus Action Figure Deluxe. Cliché arguments like “blasphemy” and “being smitten” kept going through my head as I reread the sales page until I realized, “Hey, What Would Jesus Do?”

Obviously the right thing to do if you have any doubts is to show your support for the Son of God by buying your own little Jesus idol. Standing a little taller than a Solo cup, I am constantly reassured knowing that I have my hero standing guard over me and the important things I keep on my desk.

The first Jesus Action Figure (I am building a pretty solid collection of super powered mini-deities now) I purchased was the Deluxe version of the Jesus Action Figure. This little version of everyone’s favorite Son of God, prophet, enlightened dude, or Avatar (depending on where you hail from) has a few tricks up it’s tiny little sleeves including glowing hands! At first I couldn’t make sense of the fluorescent extremities that Jesus was sporting, but I soon realized that that little leap from logic was only an added benefit! If you have any questions about the glowing hands, then get over yourself; I mean, hey, it’s Jesus!

Reading through the sales page I was amazed to see that the Jesus action figure didn’t just come with his little holiness but also some teeny-weeny little loaves of bread and some mini-Jesus sized fish for our satisfaction. This is of course reminiscent of the miracle during which Jesus fed 5000 really hungry people who were getting their panties in a bunch. Whatever anyone says about the validity of the Bible, I can always say that Jesus knew how to make food stretch. Also, the small investment I made in my Jesus Action Figure has been more than justified by the inspiration and confidence I have gained from the growing pile of plastic fish my little bud has been building up for me over the last few months!

To put Jesus in relation to the other little action figure posers out there, you have to realize we are talking about the Son of God. He isn’t the typical half man, half animal concoction which someone pulled from their ass; he doesn’t have a cocky California accent that you want to slap right off of his square-jawed face; he isn’t allergic to some rock from some planet billions of miles away that blew up thousands of years ago yet is found in plentiful quantities on earth. He was practically human and was susceptible to things just like you or me (like crosses.) He didn’t let being the Son of God go to his head, but he kept it “real.” Plus he wasn’t a snitch (although we all know it was you Judas.)

Going back to the growing green hands briefly, didn’t you know there was magic in those omnipotent little Jesus fingers? The Bible attributes 35 miracles to Jesus throughout it’s pages but fails to remark on anything as remarkable as glowing green hands. It sure doesn’t not mention it though! You can argue poetic license on this one point, but regardless, glowing green hands equals awesomeness and awesomeness equals the Jesus Action Figure Deluxe.

Get your own Jesus Action Figure! Visit us at http://jesusactionfigure.org and see all our other crazy products!

About the Author

Jo Elen loves to write about the crazy and wonderful things that you find on the internet. And yes, she really loves her Jesus Action Figure!

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